Dialogue Doodle

August 25, 2010

A Life Lesson ?

The other evening, as we passed a young couple strolling in a local park, my companion and I overheard the following bit of conversation, herewith reported more or less verbatim:

Waspish-American Male: I cannot believe that I lived a whole month with Kentucky people! (Pause.) Very different culture . . .

Asian-American Female: Kentucky people! You actually went to China with Kentucky people!?

Copyright © 2010 Jim Sizemore.

Dialogue Doodle

August 11, 2010

Dr. Phil Sez . . .

There’s a guy I see just about every day on my morning walk. I like to think of him as “Dr. Phil.” Phil usually says “good morning” and then lunches into an extended monologue about what ails him. Today, his spiel began thus:

Dr. Phil: Felt so bad this morning I almost didn’t come.

Me: But here you are, Phil.

Dr. Phil (ignoring my cheerful comment): Then I took a huge crap and felt better—easy two days worth. (Pause.) So that must have been what it was, that buildup of crap.

On another occasion Phil greeted me and then proceeded to relate a vivid story about his feet:

Dr. Phil: So I wake this morning and stand up and my feet are all swole up and blood-red. (Pause.) Then I touch ’em and they turn green.

This colorful anecdote was delivered without a trace of irony—Phil has no idea how funny he is—so all I could think to say was: “Damn, Phil.” Then I smiled and kept walking. I knew that if I asked him to explain he’d have my ear for at least ten minutes, and I was pretty sure he couldn’t top his opening lines.

Copyright © 2010 Jim Sizemore.

Dialogue Doodle

June 2, 2010

Yesterday, I had another interesting encounter during my morning walk at Fort McHenry. It occurred on my second lap around the seawall trail, when I spotted an older guy I’ll call “Willie” up ahead. He is strolling with a young man whom I also recognize. As I pass them this brief exchange—reported more or less verbatim—takes place.

Willie: Good morning, Jim.

Me (Turning, walking backwards as I reply): Good morning, Willie.

Willie: Jim, this is my friend, Hud (Name changed).

Me (Still walking backwards.): Yeah, I’ve met Hud. (To Hud.) Mr. Hud KENT, right?

Hud: You can call me Mr. Superman. (We all laugh.)

Willie: They used to call me Superman, too, until I lost my power.

Me: And what might that have been?

Willie: The power to get an erection. (Laughs all around.)

Me: I don’t believe that for a second.

At this point, Willie turns off the trail and heads for the visitor’s center. I turn around and walk on ahead, several yards in front of Hud. When I reach the end of the seawall trail I reverse direction as I’m watching two swallows “courting” on the wing. They dart to and fro together, fast and low, skimming the grass.

Me (To Hud as we pass face-to-face.): Swallows are flat out CRAZY—they mate in midair!

Hud (Surprised.): They DO?!

Me (Laughing.): As far as I can tell.

Copyright © 2010 Jim Sizemore.

Dialogue Doodle

November 26, 2009

The following bit of dialogue was part of a conversation (political debate?) I overheard recently at a local diner. The brief fragment that I caught, while standing and waiting for my lunch buddy to show up, involved the recent publication of a very popular book by an unsuccessful candidate for high office. My friend arrived and we were seated several booths away from the young couple in question, but as we ate I could still hear their voices, now coming through as only a soft rumble. From the tone I surmised that the Young Woman continued to dominate, as she had in the snippet that I had earlier overheard. Here it is:

Young Man: What I can’t understand is why the press gives that jerk so much attention.

Young Woman: Well, let’s say that Katie Couric and all those other news hounds  had ignored her — how would you have known that she’s a jerk?

Copyright © 2009 Jim Sizemore.